we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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