she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
