I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
