every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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