If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
