Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
