Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We need to rekindle our bromance
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
