i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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