My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize