I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
