There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
