My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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