idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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