just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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