It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
