I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
