that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
