I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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