I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
