I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
