chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
