It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
