you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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