i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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