Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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