I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
