Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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