so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
