You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
