He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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