He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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