I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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