Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
