i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
