Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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