Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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