do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
