I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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