Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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