This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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