he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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