Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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