this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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