My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
