so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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