I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
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