In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
