I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
