I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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