Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
