trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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