thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm having to shit out rocks
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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