Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
