Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
