i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
