Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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