Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
