Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
